Sunday, July 26, 2015

Hard Times

Things are getting hard around here. They are always a challenge when two out of your three kids have crazy complex conditions, but this is different. These are "normal people" problems we are facing. 

My husband is out of a job. His last paycheck comes in a couple weeks. He has been applying for jobs for months with no leads. It's starting to get scary. To top it off, everything in our home is falling apart! In June alone, the garbage disposal, garage door, oven, and air conditioning went out. Some days I want to go back to renting. The American Dream of home ownership is overrated, folks. 

I have been selling our nicer things online. The minimalist is me is LOVING this part. It gives me so much joy to purge our things. Clutter makes me feel out of control, so being able to provide for my family while keeping my sanity at the same time... love it. I will probably have a garage sale next month. Ugh. The dreaded garage sale. Love to shop them, hate to have them. 

We rent out our basement through Air BNB and it has been a huge help. We have met so many interesting people. Next week we have a family coming from Russia for a week. After that, two Chinese students move in for a year. It's like the freaking United Nations around here! And we LOVE it. For a family that doesn't have the ability to travel far because of health, it's been so awesome to bring some adventure to our home like this.

Last night I poured out my fears and wept before God. A small time later I watched my kids play. A peace came over my heart. THIS is what matters. THEY are everything. I don't want to let my fears of tomorrow rob me of today's simple joys. 

God will provide, of this I am sure. He may use our strange creative attempts to do so, but that's ok. Whatever works. 

Monday, July 6, 2015

Little Sister's Promise

We were taking one of our bi-yearly trips to visit our families out of state. The toddler was asleep in the car seat. The Man was listening to talk radio. I was beginning "East of Eden". My two big girls were snugging in the backseat. Something Little Sis said to her big sister caught my ear...

"Sis, when you are old, I will take care of you".

I don't know if I have ever heard anything more beautiful come out of her precious mouth. It made this momma's heart feel so much joy and pain simultaneously. As much as I was finding great happiness in that sweet moment, the dark corners of my fearful heart wondered if that would even be a possibility.

 Would Big Sis even live to be an old lady who needs to be cared for by a devoted baby sister? 

It takes great practice to push away those dark thoughts that tend to creep up during wonderful, simple moments. It takes a lot of courage to say to your fears, "I will not be ruled be you". 

I don't read statistics and I take timelines doctors give us with a grain of salt. There were many times we were given more heartache than one can bear, more terrifying facts about medical conditions that a momma and daddy should ever have to know. 

But God is greater still. 

I don't know what tomorrow will bring, let alone 20 years from now. I just want to enjoy every silly story, every little handful of picked flowers, every sweet embrace. 

I want more than anything for Little Sis to take care of Big Sis when she's old. For now, snuggling in the back seat is good enough.